BACK TO NORMAL

Might we declare a moratorium on the phrase ‘Back to Normal’?
Is your ‘normal’ remotely like that of (Sir, for the moment) Richard Branson? Or David Cameron? Or Tony Blair?

Perhaps it is the somewhat less desirable ‘normal’ of a bedroom tax sufferer. Standing in the queue in the Co-op hoping for some pasta who was that next to you, keeping a respectful distance? Despite the mask making identification problematic might it have been Michael Gove? Or, perhaps, George Osborne? How about Priti Patel whose ‘normal’ used to include £1,000 per hour as a consultant to a US company supplying our government? You could buy a bit of pasta with that kind of dosh and a bog roll or two.

I am seriously concerned that our government has just three priorities. In rank order is a Brexit plan so incredibly incoherent that chaos must follow. Next is that out of chaos comes order: an order in which the rich and powerful will benefit while those living on pasta must suffer. As Thatcher said There is No Alternative.

Last of the priorities is that pesky virus. Right now it threatens government’s reputation for competence; for putting the people first; for thinking ahead. Why, just as we were about to re-launch HMS Rule Britannia, does it come along to mess things up?

Not to worry, we have ordered plenty of supplies of Dettol. The Secretary of State for Health has set a target to personally squirt it up a million arses a minute by Monday.

Did I use the word NORMAL?

This is what I meant.