I just lopped the head off a lizard person only to find that it had red blood and died soon after. Did I do wrong?
Yours, David Icke
MAGGIE SAYS – Not you again, you mad bastard. Always going on about an international elite controlling everyone, headed up by the royal family of lizard people. Ridiculous!!! Although to be fair at least you’re not blaming it on the Jews, which is something. As for Lizzy Battenburg, she’s more of a Squid / Cephalopod but with an anus. All hail Cthulu!
I have just got married to a fat, lazy, ugly, vicious, psychopath. Can you please help me?
Your friend Carrie Johnson
MAGGIE SAYS – Well bless me, little Princess NutNut has done well hasn’t she, from unmarried mum and scarlet woman to First Totty of the UK. And you only had to pretend to be Catholic for one day in order to have a church wedding, shame that the Pope has now cast Boris’ exes and 7 or 8 kids to eternal damnation as illegitimate bastards and whores. As for Boris being a vicious Psycho, It takes one to know one.
Am having my platinum jubilee next year…should I dig Phillip up?
MAGGIE SAYS – If I were you I would take each day as it comes, as a year is a long time at your age. I mean you are shrinking at a hell of a rate at the moment, you are barely 3 feet tall at the moment. You might disappear entirely soon. Start drinking embalming fluid now dear, it will stop the inevitable decay and cabbage smell.
Dear Agony Aunt
My Mum is being mean to me and won’t let me use her new boat to have friends on
Your sweaty Prince, Andrew
MAGGIE SAYS – We already have a special Sauna here in hell, ready for your sweaty carcass you upper class nonce. Everyone knows you are guilty, on earth and in the hereafter. The Demons will shove red hot pokers right up your royal privilege, unless you enjoy it of course, nothing would surprise.
READ MAGGIE’S PEARLS OF WISDOM WEEKLY IN THE WORD NEWSPAPER ONLINE AND IN NEWSAGENTS SOON….
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