Dear dead, Maggie
I was elected to be vice chair of the Wilmington and district flower arranging society but it seems to be a bigger job than I thought and I need to get out of it. Can you help?
Well if it’s not ‘Sleepy Joe’ getting in too deep once more. Take a leaf out of your predecessors book and just autograph a few restaurant menus in 6inch high lettering in front of the t.v. cameras. It will look like you are making things happen despite the fact that it is an empty gesture and the Senate will block any and all of your ‘reforms’. Essentially the world is expecting you to expire soon anyway, leaving the way clear for the first mixed race, Asian/Afro Caribbean/Female President to be assassinated in office.
After a long layoff due to a change in management I have finally got my old job back. What is the best way to make money from it?
Welcome back Dame Mandy, how’s that gorgeous Ermine cape number you wear in the Lord’s, red is just not your colour is it? You are just the person Sir Keith needs to re-establish New New Labour as the media-savvy, ruthless ‘Tory-lite’ bribe-fest of the late 90’s. Have you even heard of social media? Or are you just going to get Rupert Murdoch on ‘Sticky Starmers’ side? I’m sure the ‘Prince of Darkness’ will be getting plenty of invites to Yacht parties as there are many more Russian Billionaires these days, thanks to your last shift as Hells Ambassador.
I have always had a problem with my older half-brother because he is an idiot like his dad. Me and the missus moved to the USA to get away from him. The thing is we both still have shares in the same company. How do I rid myself from him?
Harry you ‘Ginger Tosser’ you’ve got to get used to the idea that the first born is the heir and you are the spare. Your half-brother has been banging out lots of pure-blood, blonde little chavvies who look like him, which essentially is his only job. All you’ve managed to do is produce a more genetically diverse muggle. Maybe your Father-in-Law has an opening shooting ‘Gators and distilling Moonshine?
There’s a lady that’s sure all that glitters is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven. How can I steal it from her?
Well I’m not sure that Led Zeppelin quite had you in mind when they wrote that. However Jimmy Page did his best for ‘female youth development’ in his time; and played guitar on a red bus with a flag waving Boris Johnson at the Olympics. So all told, carry on with the good old Led Zep. Have you heard Immigrant Song?
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